Darkness have a reason

I should be rushing my homework now, but hey, that can wait.
It feels as if for very long time i have not been myself anymore.

Controlled by circumstance, by uncertainty,by doubt and confusion.I miss my true self, the real me.
So today i would like some time with myself, and the unknown limitless possibilities of the universe. 
 
I have to admit i just a small humble human being in this world.
Although a designer is granted with much power (ahaha),however the society i live in is still not an optimum breeding ground for creativity.
My mind is so open it can accept many things. It's good, but sometimes i'm too simple-minded.
So recently i have been challenged with the existence of god and the building of heaven. I have been looking through religion to find my own value for quite sometime. I've been a Buddhist,Atheist,Taoist,Unificationist ;i've been into a church, i've prayed before i eat and everything.I'll go through experiments and find the most suitable living belief for me.That is mine reality.

Until now, guess i didn't want to settle down on any of those.I think i'm a free-thinker. Every religion is good in some way, extreme in others. However,i do not accept anything as an absolute truth to me.Because religion is always altered by HUMANS to their own advantage.Therefore i don't consider myself as "belonging" to any religion.

Freedom worth the most to me.To able to fight for MY thoughts,and not those thoughts and principles that my religion wanted me to.I only believe in true love, and it includes true love between gay and lesbians.I don't care what other people say.

I thought praying was an interesting thing to do, not exactly to god, but to the universe, and perhaps, to myself .As someone told me before, "you are your own greatest god", and as long as i ever live and experienced, it was true.

If someone ever claimed he was god, i might accept it, but not to believe it nor do i expect others to believe in it.It doesn't really matter to me, it does not change me in any way.That person could not come to my life and say, "I'll help you do your assignment". Since i'm the only person that can change myself, and help myself do assignment, i guess i'm my own greatest god.

The real creation forces in the universe have give me freedom,that no matter what religion i'm in, how many stupid things i do in search of myself, it loves me eternally. A silent love. Unshaken by anything at all.

So tonight i speak to the silent existence,with positive energy. Thank you for the darkness. When darkness is strong in it's maximum intensity, light is not far from here.

To the unknown reality, power, and infinite possibilities of the universe, thank you for keeping me alive today. Thank you for all the freedom, to create and the beauty, to share. Thank you for the food , the water, the songs, joy and sorrow, that makes the earth beautiful.Thank you for making each and everyone unique, so that the world is not boring. Thank you for all the love and memories, and the chance of merely existing.

Thank you for making me see, that i'm a part of the whole. I understand my eternal position.And that i don't belong to anything, not even "god", because i only belong to myself.

When i love and celebrate, i connect myself to the universe. When i'm aware, i'm as wise as the old universe, and nothing will be able to blind me.Not even religion.

So free-thinking is for me.Yes, yes, you say you're working to make the world a better place.Of course, all religion says that.And all people, generally, thinks that whatever aim they have, it's good, (to themselves), but not to me.

And any religion that condemn others, even any minority group, is stupid to me.
Ahhhh, i came back to mine reality.
Play and live on.

As long as human love each other, there is no need to have religion. 
 "Love each other or perish." ~Tuesdays With Morrie

 




   

于是我们等待一种重逢

于是我静静的
看着同样沉默的夜空

倒映

离去的笑声
离去的快乐
我不懂的子弹，不懂这场仗的源头

什么源头

迷失，真的迷失，
那一霎那我想去战（站）
去选择其中的一方

可是路过的旅人拉着我，说
不如选择一片自由的土地
没有将军和命令
只有自己的声音

孩子，于是
善良就是神
我会搜集自己的
满天星星

不要忘记梦想
选择的路，如果动机一样
其实也没什么不同

一样的享受

喜悦的种子
爱的根源

倘若世界上真的有神
他住在我心里，是我的意志，
每个人都一样

不要急于壮烈的牺牲自己
以为这就是意义
只是自我感觉良好

于是我们等待
一种重逢
再次遇见自己

一直陪伴我的你，又怎么可能不明白
其中的必然
宿命的美丽

神所存在的世界

[有些事，虽然痛还是要去全面的体会]

短短一个星期的假期，却发生了很多事情。
虽然我一如往常地上课，上学，但是我自己知道，那个内心的挣扎没有停止。
这个星期里面，我哭了很多次。
有些是喜悦，有些是悲痛。

从很久很久以前，我不断的在寻找人生的目的。
话说，最近我以为我找到一个答案。
我很喜悦，因为我觉得我已经明白我为什么要出生在这个世界上，我甚至告诉我的父母，我愿意放下我的学业去走这条路。
我的父母很心痛，他们觉得我被洗脑了。他们很生气，他们很担心。他们说我已经忘了我的梦想，我为什么要上大学。他们告诉我，我不实际。
我婆婆说，她只有两个孙子，不想只剩一个。

某人说，有神，所以有爱。每个人都是神的孩子。
爸爸说，有我在，决不会让你被别人利用。

我也不清楚了。
我不知道了。

可是，我父母就是在这世上，活生生的，我的神。
再也不想让他们担心了。

这么多年以来，我们一家人也没有倘开心房 ，有过这么深入的谈话。
如果真的是，有神，这便是他给我最最珍贵的时光，虽然很痛苦，但是绝对也是幸福。

天父，你所存在的世界，我……还停留在现实。
我先要去爱我的父母。

天父，你已经有好多的子女，好多的爱。他们都是喜悦的人。
但我的父母就只有我。

地上天国事多莫美丽的愿望，但是，我更相信平等的爱是每一个人不分宗教的。
这是我必修的路。

再让我多成长吧！当我成熟，我自然会选择。
当我体验，我只然会知道，其中的真理。

谢谢你，给我这四天。
我看到，我从来没有看过的世界，真的很美。
骗不了别人，神活在我里面，我真的很美。
但是，我是神的孩子，那我父母算什么？
父母是我的神，既然让我出生，不想让我走错路。
天父你也是这么想吧？

爱有很多种，让我受考验吧。
感恩你触动我的心。
但我，
还是
必须清醒。